Confession! (Snake and Spider)

Like a proper tomboy, I was never afraid of bugs, spiders, or snakes. I thought they were fascinating. Beautiful, otherworldly creatures with mysterious origins. The bringers of change, strength, growth, and knowledge. Power over your world. Efficient, effective predators. We can even say they were a little sexy.

My mother even died of  complications due to a spider bite. Still, I was not afraid of spiders. They were unwelcome in my house and if they entered my domain they had to weather my wrath. But I still wasn’t scared.

The dreams started during my rebirth into shamanism. Rivers of snakes everywhere I went. Trying to get from here to there and being unable to find the floor because there were so many snakes. And not just one kind, either – boas, garter snakes, pencil snakes, cobras, rattlesnakes… they were all there.

And then there were the spiders.

In my dreams, they were as big as tanks or buildings and they shot lasers out of their eyes! I’m not sure where the lasers came from, that’s just weird. But I was always running away from them – on occasion, I would fight them, often in a spider-tank of my own, like those in ‘Ghost in the Shell.’ Curiously, these dreams never feature the spider’s webs.

For a long time, I kind of just raised my eyebrow at the spider and snake dreams. Curious, they were! The snake dreams, especially, gave me a chuckle. Here I was experiencing a rebirth and snakes represent transmutation – it seemed appropriate. And the name I took, “Nathara,” was Scottish for snake.

I actually really love snakes. Spiders I’m on the fence about, but I think snakes are absolutely beautiful.

But since I’ve been having these dreams, even looking at a picture of a snake or spider gives me goosebumps and makes my skin crawl. I relive all those moments in my dreams when I’m dodging their laser beams and trying to move through them. And it’s taken YEARS of these dreams (4 years, actually) for me to get to this place where they give me the heebee jeebees.

So, why this recurring theme? I’ve been trying to figure it out.

Snake, as an Animal Spirit Guide, is about transmutation, which is definitely in-keeping with my rebirth. And it’s possible that the dreams continue because I’m not all the way reborn yet – it’s hard to tell these things from the middle of them. Spider is about weaving your own reality and being in tune with the world around you. So perhaps there is some part of me that is afraid of moving forward – afraid of completing my transmutation and not yet ready to step up into responsibility for my world. Maybe some part of me wishes I could go back to the time Before, when everything was safe (except the dying of my soul).

I spend a lot of time sitting with Spider and Snake now. Part of it is fascination at this new fear they stir, and part is trying to understand why I dream them still. I sit with them and uncover little clues here and there, but I haven’t uncovered the major thing yet. I’m not sure what it is – naturally – but I’m sure I’ll know it when I find it.

To be clear – I still love Snake and Spider, though they haunt me now. I still think their beautiful, elegant, and efficient and I admire their wisdom more and more. I embrace my name more and more, and still look at pictures. I look for areas in my life where I can tap into their energy.

I’ll figure it out, I’m sure. But it’s going to take time. And that’s okay.